The Ego Whisper: Choosing what’s right vs. what looks right

There’s a moment I see often in coaching conversations, and I’ve experienced it myself too.

It’s the point where you find yourself standing at a crossroads, holding two possible paths. One looks impressive from the outside: the title, the status, the approval. It’s the path people expect you to take. The other feels right on the inside: more grounded, more aligned, more human - but it might not make sense to anyone else.

And this is when the ego starts whispering.

“What will people think?”
“Will they assume I’ve failed?”
“Will this look like a step backwards?”

Our ego isn’t there to make life difficult. It’s trying to protect us. It wants us to stay safe, to belong, to make choices that will be easily understood by the world around us. But when the thing that feels right doesn’t match what others expect, the whisper can get very loud.

I see this so often with leaders. From the outside, they’ve “made it” - they’ve worked hard, reached the role, built the influence, earned the recognition. But inside, something feels off. The job looks perfect on paper, yet it no longer fits who they are or who they’re becoming.

And I know that feeling personally. That tug between what the world expects and what you know, deep down, is right for you.

The BS we’re told about success

From early on, we’re handed a simple story:

• Bigger titles.

• Bigger responsibilities.

• Bigger rewards.

Always onwards, and always upwards. And yet, growth isn’t always a straight line. There comes a point where the path that looks like progress to everyone else can feel like compromise to us. And sometimes, the choice that appears smaller on paper carries far more possibility for fulfilment, purpose, and alignment.

That’s when the inner tug-of-war begins, between what looks right and what feels right.

Listening beyond the ego

This is where self-awareness matters. When we truly understand our values and what drives us, we can start to separate the choices we make out of habit, expectation, or fear from the ones we make because they are right for us.

It doesn’t silence the ego completely - believe me, that whisper never fully goes away. But we learn to recognise it for what it is: a protective instinct, not a guide. That creates space for a different kind of decision-making, and one that’s grounded in meaning rather than appearance.

And every. single. time. I see someone choose alignment over expectation, something shifts. I’ve felt that shift myself, and it’s a feeling like nothing else - equal parts terrifying and liberating. Terrifying because you’re stepping into the unknown, and liberating because you finally stop living by someone else’s definition of success.

Redefining growth

Growth doesn’t always mean chasing “more.” Sometimes it’s about stepping sideways into something new. Sometimes it’s slowing down to find clarity before moving forward. And sometimes, it’s making a choice no one else understands. At least not yet.

Those are often the moments that shape us the most. They call us to trust ourselves, even when the world expects something different.

So if you’re standing at a crossroads right now, pause. Listen closely. Not to the loudest voice (ego), but to the truest one.

Because the ego will always whisper, “What will people think?”
But perhaps the more important question is: “Am I making this choice for me, or for everyone else?”