All the tabs you haven't closed
I heard something recently. The idea that when there's too much going on: too much unfinished, too much unresolved - it feels like having every tab on your computer open at the same time. Except the tabs are in your head.
I've heard things like this before. But it's funny how something can land differently depending on where you are when you hear it.
Avoidance is something I see a lot and it takes so many different forms. It might be the conversation you've been putting off because you're not sure how it'll land, or the decision you've been ruminating over for weeks because you don't have quite enough information and admitting that feels uncomfortable.
And it might be the thing you don't know enough about yet to start it properly, so you just don't start it. Or the feedback that's been sitting in the back of your mind for so long it's too late to mention it.
I’m learning that avoidance tends to show up most in the people who care the most. In my experience working with leaders in hospitality and retail, it's one of the things that comes up more than almost anything else - because caring so much about getting it right makes doing it imperfectly feel worse than not doing it at all. So the tab stays open, and then another one opens alongside it. And the noise in the background just keeps building even when you're not actively looking at any of it, until everything starts to feel slower and harder and the self trust that usually comes quite naturally starts to wobble a bit.
So how do you actually know when you're in it? Because avoidance is sneaky. It disguises itself as being busy, being thorough, waiting for the right moment, needing more information, not wanting to upset anyone. What tends to happen is you keep reopening the same thing in your head without ever moving it forward, or you feel a low level of dread about something specific that you can't quite shake, or you're working incredibly hard but the thing that actually matters somehow keeps not getting done. You've had the conversation in your head dozens of times - and you’re on loop.
And once you've spotted it (and if you’ve read this far, this must be resonating), awareness on its own isn't enough. Knowing you're avoiding something doesn't close the tab that’s open.
Because you know what to do really, don’t you. You know exactly which conversation needs to happen, which decision needs to be made, which thing you've been stewing over. The problem is that you're waiting to feel ready or perfect. And ready doesn't come before the action. It comes from it.
So try this today.
Write down the one thing you've been avoiding most this week. Don't overthink it because the first thing that comes to mind is almost always the right one.
Tomorrow morning, before you do anything else, spend ten minutes on just that thing. Just to start it, because starting is what closes the tab. And I invite you to do this daily to build the habit.
Then tell someone, say it out loud and give it a deadline. Because the moment another person knows about it, it stops living only in your head.
And when you start moving it forward: celebrate it. That's where things start to shift, and you deserve to feel that.
The cost of avoidance is always higher than the cost of the thing you're avoiding. Always. We just find it really difficult to see it until we are on the other side.
Those tabs don't close themselves.
I'm Sarah Clark, an executive and leadership coach for hospitality and retail leaders. If this resonated with you, I'd love to have a conversation. Book a free consultation at nineyardscoaching.co.uk
