How to Lead Someone Who Thinks They’ve Got It All Covered

We talk about confidence a lot.

How important it is, how it helps people step forward, how it drives progress and allows people to take opportunities they might otherwise avoid. And I agree with all of that. Confidence matters.

But there’s a version of it that feels a little different, and it’s not something I hear spoken about as often…

What happens when confidence gets ahead of our self awareness…..

I tend to notice it in the small moments……………….

• In meetings, for example, someone speaks early and with certainty, and the direction gets set quite quickly. It sounds clear, it sounds decisive, and on the surface it feels like things are moving forward. But what can quietly happen is that other voices drop away. People hold back, the conversation narrows, and what looks like alignment is sometimes just a lack of space to challenge or build on the idea.

• I also notice it in how ideas are responded to. You’ll hear things like “we’ve tried that before” or “that won’t work here”, and sometimes that is experience speaking, which is valuable. But sometimes it’s a response that comes a little too quickly, without fully exploring what might be different this time around, or without really hearing what’s being suggested. And in those moments, something gets missed.

• It shows up in feedback as well. On the surface, there’s openness. A willingness to listen. A nod, a “yes, that makes sense”. But often followed quite quickly by an explanation, a justification, or a reason why it played out that way.

Individually, those moments don’t seem like much - and in isolation, they are no big deal. Over time, though, people start to hold back. They say a little less, or they soften what they were going to say, and eventually the feedback that really helps someone grow doesn’t get shared at all.

What’s important to say here is that this is rarely about someone not being good enough. More often, it’s the opposite. It’s someone capable, committed, and used to doing well. Someone who has built confidence through experience, and quite rightly trusts themselves. Which is exactly why it can be harder to spot, both for them and for the people around them.

So the question I come back to is how to support this as a leader.

How do we help someone build awareness alongside their confidence, without knocking their belief in themselves or changing the very thing that makes them effective. Because shutting it down rarely works, and leaving it alone absolutely doesn’t help either.

One of the most useful shifts I’ve found is moving from correcting to getting curious.

• Rather than stepping in with an answer or an alternative view straight away, I’ll often ask them to talk me through their thinking, to explore what they’re seeing, and to consider what might be missing or what else might be true. This tends to create just enough space for reflection without making it feel like a challenge or a criticism.

• Creating regular opportunities to reflect is another part of it. In busy hospitality environments, people often move from one thing straight into the next without pausing, which means there’s very little time to actually process what’s working and what’s not. Building in simple moments to look back can make a big difference.

• After a project, after a decision, and after something that didn’t quite go to plan, taking the time to ask what worked, what didn’t, and what they would do differently next time starts to build awareness in a way that feels natural rather than forced.

Being super specific with our feedback also matters more than we sometimes realise.

General comments from leaders are too easy to dismiss or misinterpret, whereas reflecting back a particular moment or example gives someone something concrete to think about.

For example, noticing how quickly a conversation moved on from someone else’s idea, and asking what was happening for them at that point, can often open up a level of awareness that wouldn’t come from broader feedback

Finally, there’s the part that sits with us as leaders and what we model.

If we want someone to be open to feedback, we need to demonstrate that ourselves. If we want them to admit when they don’t know something, we need to be comfortable doing the same. And if we want them to rethink their approach, we need to show that we’re willing to rethink ours.

That’s what creates the environment where confidence and awareness can exist together.

Confidence will always be important. It helps people take ownership, make decisions, and move things forward. But on its own, it can become a little fixed, a little certain, and that’s where growth can start to slow without anyone really noticing.

The people I see grow the most are the ones who stay open alongside their confidence.

The ones who keep questioning, keep listening, and keep taking the time to look again, even when things are going well.