Courtesy
A conversation with a friend earlier this week sparked this one. She'd given her time generously to someone, and heard nothing back. No response, no acknowledgement, nothing. And in our WhatsApp exchange about it, I found myself typing: poor form, courtesy is underrated. She replied: yep.
Have we decided courtesy is optional? Because somewhere along the way, in the busyness of life, connecting with people and just getting through the week, it’s started to slip.
And I notice it everywhere. In the unreplied message that never gets followed up. In the team member who went above and beyond and nobody said anything. In the supplier who delivered exactly what was asked of them and got no acknowledgement - because they are a supplier and they are treated differently. In the meeting that ends and everyone just leaves. But also in everyday life…… the friend who gave their time and heard nothing back, the favour done that was never acknowledged, the person who held the door and didn't get a second glance.
None of these things sound like a big deal. That's rather the point. Courtesy lives in the small things in life and in leadership, and it's in the small things that trust is built or lost, one interaction at a time. Culture in a business is shaped the same way, by the accumulation of small ones.
Adam Grant's research across 38 studies covering 3,500 business units found that higher rates of giving; so being generous, acknowledging others, helping - were directly linked to higher profitability, productivity, efficiency and customer satisfaction, alongside lower costs and turnover. When people act like givers, they build cohesive, supportive cultures that appeal to customers, suppliers and top talent alike. The commercial case for courtesy isn't soft, and nor is it needy. It's one of the strongest arguments in the room.
What I've noticed in the leaders who get the best from the people around them is that courtesy isn't something they think about. It's just how they show up. They close loops, they reply, they confirm, they let people know where things landed. They express gratitude specifically rather than generically. Not "thanks everyone" but "I noticed what you did there and I want you to know it made a difference." They don't take the reliable people for granted. You know the ones - those that are often the people who get the least recognition, precisely because they never give anyone a reason to notice them.
And in hospitality and retail, where the pace asks a lot of people, courtesy is one of the things that either holds a team together or gradually chips away at it. Until one day you look around and wonder why the energy has changed. Hmmmmm
A few things that help, if you want to build it as a habit rather than leaving it to chance.
At the end of each week, ask yourself whether there's anyone you've left hanging - a loop unclosed, something worth acknowledging that you haven't acknowledged yet.
Before a one to one or a team briefing, take thirty seconds to think of one specific thing that person has done recently that's worth naming. Not a general well done but something specific. It lands completely differently.
And every now and then, ask your team how they're doing and actually mean it - just as one human being genuinely interested in another would do.
Courtesy isn't complicated. It doesn't really require a framework or a model or a workshop. It just requires paying attention to, and deciding that the people around you are worth it.
And to the friend who inspired this - thank you darling. You know who you are, and I noticed
